


No Going Back

by kg1507



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Female Friendship, Friendship, Gen, Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor Friendship, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Other, POV Kara Danvers, POV Lena Luthor, Sad Ending, SuperCorp, post-reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2020-09-30 10:27:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20445635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kg1507/pseuds/kg1507
Summary: The conversation leading up to the clip in the SDCC trailer where Lena walks away from Kara after the secret has (supposedly) been blownShe'd tried acting like nothing was wrong, that she was ok with being repeatedly lied to by everyone, but tonight had been the final blow to her frail mentality. As she sat there on the floor she came to the grim realization that she was simply too tired to continue clinging to something that had never been real, and her beaten and battered heart couldn’t take it anymore.





	No Going Back

Applause filled the ballroom in a thunderous wave as Lena weaved her way through the crowd, fading into the sea of expensive dresses and impeccable suits that surrounded her. She heard nothing except the sound of her own heartbeat, pounding an erratic rhythm deep within her eardrums, and the labored breaths that tightened in her chest like thick cords across her lungs. Her hands were ice cold, but her stomach burned with white-hot anger threatening to burst from her lips like dragonfire. She was barely acknowledged by those in her path, and Lena knew that Alex and the others would be too focused on the stage, on Kara, to notice her sudden absence. She just had to get out of there, now, before she exploded. Kara’s speech, spoken mere moments ago, was ringing in her ears, each word crystal clear and sharp as knives, etching themselves in her memory with precise clarity. 

_ “ - couldn’t have done it without the help of one of the most intelligent, trustworthy people I know, whose selflessness, bravery, and constant drive to be a force for good proves that no matter who you share blood with, it does not make you the same. I’m proud to say that there is no one in this city who deserves your trust more than her, and proud to call her my best friend - Lena Luthor.” _

It should’ve been a wonderful moment. It should’ve made her feel warm and loved and happy, but Lena had barely managed a smile at this public praise of her character and stiffened when Alex squeezed her shoulder, and Brainy nodded in agreement, and J’onn serenely bowed his head, and it was all Just. Too. Much.

Lena finally reached the back of the ballroom and squeezed through the double doors without a sound, away from the din of the crowd. The air was much cooler once she emerged on the other side, but she needed more than that right now; she needed quiet, silence, solitude. Lena had attended more than a few events at this hall in the past - various LuthorCorp galas and the like, so she knew the layout well, and immediately set off down an unused corridor on the opposite side of tonight's main event. No one was around to stop or even question her, not that she would’ve let them. One of the very few perks of having a name that carried weight in the world was getting to use it when the world pushed back. All she had to do was utter that disyllabic title and the crowds parted like the Red Sea. 

Lena tried a few doors, searching for an empty space where she could collect herself. All of them were locked, and she was about to give up completely and have her breakdown right there in the hallway when finally, one yielded to her, opening smoothly and silently. She had enough of her wits still about her to take one last cursory glance down the corridor before slipping inside the room, quiet as a shadow.

An involuntary sob broke from her throat the moment the door closed behind her and she was suddenly back in time, standing over Lex’s body, watching the video footage play before her on an endless loop while his blood pooled at her feet. She closed her eyes and felt hysteria rise in the pit of her stomach at the vivid picture in her mind’s eye. Lena desperately tried to force it down through sheer force of will, but her panic attack was so strong that she couldn't concentrate on anything else. She leaned her back against the thick wooden door and slowly slid down to the ground, resting her forehead against her knees as her legs tented beneath her.

Lies. All of it was lies. She'd tried to keep up the game, playing and pretending for a month now, desperately hoping the charade would come to an end. She had vainly, foolishly believed Kara would eventually confess her secret - and if only she had, maybe they could've worked past it, despite how crushed Lena felt at being kept in the dark for so long. But tonight, watching Kara on that stage, hearing her speak of trust and loyalty, Lena knew without a doubt that everything about their friendship had been a sham. To be so hypocritical, so unashamedly false to broadcast such deceit for her and the world to see and hear? For the first time in her life, Lena felt like the Luthor name had finally been eclipsed, and a new moniker poised to take the prize for most vile of them all, and for once she was not a part of it. 

She'd tried acting like nothing was wrong, that she was ok with being repeatedly lied to by everyone, but tonight had been the final blow to her frail mentality. As she sat there on the floor she came to the grim realization that she was simply too tired to continue clinging to something that had never been real, and her beaten and battered heart couldn’t take it anymore.

She sat there for what felt like hours, focusing on her breathing, on keeping her emotions in check, putting each one into a row of boxes that she mentally locked and threw away until she finally felt calm enough to open her eyes again, and Lex’s voice no longer echoed in her head. Finally, she decided she was calm enough to stand, and did so. She took a few steps deeper into the room, crossing her arms over her chest in an unconscious effort to hold herself together. Her head was still foggy, her thoughts disorganized and slow, but it felt good to let her overworked mind rest, even for just a few moments. Anything was better than crippling panic.

Her moment of peace didn’t last nearly as long as she'd hoped for. She heard the doorknob click open behind her and Lena didn’t even have to turn around to know it was Kara. Who else could have found her here, or would even think to look?

“Hey, what happened? You missed cocktail hour - the reception is getting ready to start.” Her voice was light and cheerful; she was clearly still riding the high that came from having her work recognized by the public. Lena closed her eyes, willing her to go away, to leave her alone, knowing that she wouldn’t. Kara’s heels clicked on the hardwood floor in a steady rhythm as she walked towards Lena’s turned back, unaware that her friend was preparing to say goodbye. A soft hand touched the back of her arm and Lena's muscles tensed in response. Kara must have noticed, because her next words were softened with concern. “Lena? What’s wrong?”

And just like that, Lena felt her whole self, body and soul, turn to solid, impenetrable stone. 

She turned around to face Kara, whose face was so earnest, so kind and caring and completely oblivious that it made Lena’s blood boil. Slowly, deliberately, she pushed Kara’s hand away from her and took a step backwards. “Take off the glasses.”

Lena saw the flash of fear in Kara’s eyes, like an animal who has just realized it’s been cornered. “What?” She voice rose an octave as she chuckled, tilting her head in mock confusion, and Lena couldn’t believe she had fallen for her half-baked fabrications time after time - but Lena knew Kara had been caught off guard by her frankness and wasn’t about to let her talk her way out of it this time.

“Take. Off. The glasses.” Lena repeated. The sound of her own voice was unfamiliar to her, dangerously low and full of malice. They had fought in the past, as friends sometimes do, but Lena had never taken this kind of tone with Kara before - she’d never had a reason to. Her body hummed with energy and she felt like she was towering over Kara, a force to be reckoned with despite having no powers of her own to fall back on. The pureness of her anger transcended the fragility of her humanity, even in the presence of a god.

For a moment it seemed like Kara was going to refuse, but then her face fell in a look of nervous resignation as she realized Lena was not going to yield. She reached for her lenses, slowly grasping the edge of one eyepiece with trembling fingers and hesitated for just a moment before tilting her head down and averting her eyes. She lifted the frames from behind her ears and slid them forward until they were completely removed from her face. Only then did she slowly raise her head to meet Lena’s cold gaze. “Lena, let me explain -”

“No,” Lena raised one finger and silenced her. “No, you don’t get to make excuses for yourself now - God knows you've used enough of them.”

Kara checked herself, taken aback. Her eyes widened and she stuttered, “You… how long have you known? _ How _do you know?”

Lena scoffed, further exasperated by her naivety. “You’ve got some nerve, you know that? After all the lies that have come from your mouth, you think you deserve a straight answer from me in return? I never pegged you for being the selfish type before, but here you are, thinking first and foremost of yourself.”

Kara bristled and tried to find the right words to challenge her claims, but her entire vocabulary seemed to be fading with each passing second and she knew she was floundering in the face of her accusations. “I’m not… that’s not… Lena -”

“How could you?" Lena all but whispered, her eyes filling with tears. "All this time?"

"I was going to tell you, I swear -"

"When? When were you going to tell me? Because you sure as hell had some great opportunities over the years that you could've taken advantage of!"

"It - I - there was just never the right moment -"

"Three years, Kara!" Lena yelled. She flinched under her wrath and Lena felt a sick joy in her stomach at the sight. “And there wasn’t one spare moment where you thought you could clue me in? God, all those times you disappeared, all those excuses you pulled out of your ass, and me, like an absolute fool, believed every one of them.”

“Lena - “

“I really thought you were different,” Lena went on. “I don’t let a lot of people get close to me, but there was something so refreshingly honest about you and,” She laughed aloud, tears blurring her vision. “And it turns out, it was all just another lie. What’s the old saying? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer? You had me right where you wanted me to be: close enough to keep tabs on but far enough away so that you never had to risk having a Luthor know your secret.”

Kara stepped forward, her eyes wide and pleading. “That’s not true! Who your family is had nothing to do with it! I didn’t tell you because I knew you would take this as another betrayal, but that’s not what this is! I swear to you, you have _ always _been my friend!”

Lena slowly shook her head, feeling nothing. “I don’t even know who you are.” 

Kara swallowed; her throat was tight and ached with emotion. She had never seen Lena look at her this way before, like she was a stranger, and Kara knew that Lena must be analyzing every second of their friendship and every interaction with Supergirl, trying to connect the two personas with nothing but the lies they had told her.

“I’m still me,” She said softly. “I’m still Kara, your best friend, and I know - I made a huge mistake, I should’ve told you a long time ago and however you found out, I’m sorry that it didn’t come from me,” She gripped both of Lena’s forearms firmly in hers, feeling her recoil under her touch. “But I’ll tell you everything now. Ask me anything, and I’ll tell you. Please, just tell me what you want to know.”

Lena’s face was hard and unmoved, but her eyes were red-rimmed with sorrow. “Give me one good reason why I should believe you now, when you’ve lied about everything else.”

There was a brief moment of silence. The sounds of a string quartet began to play in the distance and a soft murmur of voices could be heard as the reception reached full swing. Kara dropped her hands, releasing Lena from her grip with a look of pure remorse. Her chin began to quiver as she searched Lena’s eyes for something she could hold on to, some clue that their friendship wasn’t crumbling at their feet, but there was nothing warm or inviting looking back at her.

“Whoever you are, let me make one thing crystal clear -” Lena leaned in and her face twisted into a look of pure loathing. “I never want to speak to you again. Stay away from me. You may be able to bend steel with your bare hands, but never forget that I know how to make kryptonite.” 

Kara shook her head, undeterred by the malicious intent in her voice. “I know who you are, Lena, and you would never do that to me.”

Lena raised her eyebrow. “And I never thought you would hurt me like this, and yet, here we are.” She felt her stomach turn sickeningly - of course she would never use kryptonite on her, but she knew how terrified Kara was of it and hoped she would be wary enough not to call her out on her bluff. Lena didn’t want to kill her, but this was the last time she would let herself be made into a fool.

“I’m not giving up on our friendship, Lena.” Kara said adamantly through her tears.

Lena cocked her head and worked her jaw back and forth. Her shoulders shook slightly. “You should, because I already have.” With that last stabbing remark, she took her leave. She set her gaze straight ahead as she passed Kara, only letting her tears fall hotly down her cheeks once she had reached the door and left her former friend standing there alone. She had expected to feel a weight lifted after releasing her pent-up emotions, but found that the burden only felt heavier and her heart more broken than before. But that would fade with time. She would make it so.

Kara’s face crumpled as she closed her eyes, tears spilling over as her worst fears came to pass. She was a powerful woman, possessing strength and abilities far beyond those of the people she had vowed to protect, and yet she had failed one who was among those who meant the most to her. Bitterness rose in her throat as she thought of how this could have been avoided, and how she had no one to blame except herself. For all her powers and everything she was capable of, Kara would give them away in an instant for the chance to choose a different path, where her actions had not led them to ruin and her best friend didn’t hate her. Unable to change the past, uncertain in the present, Kara only knew that no matter what happened next, nothing would ever be the same.

**Author's Note:**

> I've written fics where I wrote how I wanted Lena to react, I've written fics where I wrote how I wanted them to make up, but this is my take on how I think the show is going to handle the reveal. Pretty sure they're gonna gut-punch us with the angst, so that's what I tried to go for here. Most likely will be my last post-reveal fic because I'm getting burnt out and I need new source material from new episodes to draw on. We're almost there, you guys! Thanks for reading!


End file.
